Patience is a Virtue...That I Still Need to Learn! (scroll to bottom for pics and a quick update)

Oh patience!  Patience is defined (via Google) as: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."  I feel like I have done pretty well with being patient in life, up until this week.  I've been frustrated before, but yesterday found me VERY IMPATIENT.  I had several things I wanted to accomplish, and I had determined this to-do list without regard for my current condition.  My condition is mainly just mental and physical exhaustion from radiation and chemo, but it's aggravated by the major skin irritation on my left side, breathing difficulties (everything major has been ruled out thankfully, but the feeling of not being able to breathe and like I am suffocating at times induces great anxiety in my), etc.  I am usually able to remind myself that all this is only temporary, and that this too shall pass; but yesterday I failed!  

I've been doing an online Bible study (which has been AMAZING, thank you Tiffany!) that has reminded me and encouraged me to get in The Word every day, as it is our spiritual daily bread.  I've written a devotional on this topic, I should KNOW to be in The Word every day!  But yesterday I didn't consume my spiritual daily bread.  I decided I wanted to go ahead and check something off my to-do list, which was go for a walk and stretch.  

Now, exercise is good (and it felt GREAT), but I did not leave myself enough time to open my Bible and read.  Everything was fine until I got to my radiation appointment at 8:45, and they were running 30 minutes behind.  This shouldn't even have been an issue for me, but because I had made so many plans for myself, I let it stress me out.  A LOT.  Which threw my entire day off, and resulted in a lovely panic attack (even after a couple Xanax).  I can't help but wonder if I could have prevented this by spending even just a few minutes with God, in His Word, before starting my day?  The endorphin rush from my workout was awesome, but it pales in comparison to the peace, clarity, and joy we receive from spending time in The Word.  

Also, I MAY have had an unrealistic amount of to-do's on my list...a big surprise coming from me, right? ;)  

This is where I get frustrated.  I am overall feeling SO MUCH BETTER than just a few months ago, but I'm surprised at how fatigued and brain-fogged radiation can make you!  I figured I would just sail through radiation (sound familiar?  like how I thought I'd sail through chemo? lol); but in reality it's a big toll on the body and I need to give myself the time to heal.  Fortunately, I have a lot of motivation and drive to accomplish many things; unfortunately, I am impatient about all the things I want to accomplish.  I want to start working on them all NOW!!!  I also get frustrated because I haven't been able to work full time.  Fortunately, I have an AMAZING boss who allows me to work as much or as little as I can, and co-workers who are so supportive (and I can't imagine doing this journey without any of my office peeps!); unfortunately, I am a Type-A control freak who wants everything done perfectly by the end of every day.  Which is IMPOSSIBLE in a dental office as it is, and even more impossible with my current state of mind and being.  

Update: Overall I am doing very well, all things considered.  My hair is growing back nicely!  I only have 4 radiation treatments left, and I am so thankful for that!  My skin burns are not bad, just a couple of spots where the skin is slightly broken and irritated.  I've "graduated" to only having to see my medical oncologist every 6 weeks now, instead of every 3 weeks (I will still continue to do Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks).  At my next appointment with her, I will start Tamoxifen; the hormone-blocker I'm slated to be on for 10 years.  I have to admit I'm nervous about this for 2 reasons: 1. possible side effects, and 2. 10 YEARS.  TEN. YEARS.  I'm scared to commit to that!  Although I can always stop if if I chose to.  And the commitment issue might also explain my recent single-ness...but I've also come to realize that even if I am single forever, that is ok because I DO have so many things I want to accomplish, people I want to help, and things I want to do and see!  I now always pray that God's will be done in my life, because I've finally come to fully understand that God's will is always the best for our lives.  It only took me 32 years, but hey better now than never! :)    

The burn here isn't too bad, it's mostly just itchy...and seatbelts irritate it!!!   And that's my port on my right side :) 

Under my left axilla, these little marks aren't big (thankfully!) but they are deep and they are INCREDIBLY tender (I think this is part of my insomnia...can't get comfortable)

All dressed up for the Making Strides for Breast Cancer photo shoot!!!  :D  

Snapped this pic on National Selfie Day...I still get goosebumps every time I look at it, or even think of it!  God finally got my attention...I'm following Him harder than ever!!!  

Thank you SO MUCH for reading, and God bless!!!  Hope everyone has a very safe and happy 4th of July!!!  :)  

Hairs a' Growin'!!!

I noticed this morning I've started to get a lot of hair growth, especially on my legs! I'm super happy for my head hairs, but not as much for my leg hairs. However it's a sign of growth and healing, so overall I'm happy! Never thought I'd be happy to have hairy legs!!! 😉😂

Bye-lashes!

When I first found out I had cancer, I was upset about having to lose my hair.  This discontent did not last for long, as I soon realized how many options for wigs, hats, and scarves there are out there (plus not having to wash and dry and style my hair was a pretty exciting thought as well).  The one thing I continued to hope for was not losing my eyelashes.  I LOVE my eyelashes!!!  Even though they are not super long, they are very dark, and I often feel like I look fine without having to put on mascara and eyeliner.

Unfortunately, however, I love to rub my eyes.  And by rub I mean DIG my eyeballs...my boyfriend often says he feels sorry for my eyes, as I usually rub them harder than I should.  But it feels soooo good to dig 'em when they are soooo itchy!!!  It's genetic, my dad does the same thing; therefore I can't help it!  So it's no surprise to me that I have started to lose some of my eyelashes, as I have probably rubbed them out.  It's not bad or anything, as I still have plenty of them, but I can definitely tell they have thinned.    

I first started noticing this one day when I was applying mascara, as they just looked sparse and not nice and full as they normally do.  No complaints (yet), as I still have plenty of them; just another observation of my body during chemo :)  I've got one set of false eyelashes ready in case I ever feel the need to use them, and I am so thankful to still have two healthy eyes to see with!!!

In other news, I have been feeling pretty darn good, and I had acupuncture and an adjustment this week which has helped me sleep better than I have in months!  So I am very thankful for that as well.  Last Thursday I finally got to experience Top Golf with friends and family, and it was a blast!!! (Pics down below!!!).  However I do NOT recommend attempting to swing a golf club approximately 3 months after a double mastectomy...I did not think that one through well enough before attempting to golf!  The first swing I missed the ball, and my chest gave me hell.  Needless to say, I did not golf much, but had a blast playing Foosball and chatting with loved ones.  I also got to go visit my grandparents this weekend, and I am thankful I felt well enough to spend time with them.  

Round 3 is coming up on Friday!  After this round, I will be halfway done with chemo!!!  :D  I will still have the rest of the year to do Herceptin infusions, but since it is a targeted treatment, I shouldn't have all the systemic effects like I have been.  Halfway through the hard chemo, and I am alive and well...God is good!!!  I talked with my oncologist this week, and we are changing up my steroid dose a bit again, as I think last time it was too much (too little the first time, too much the second time, so the third time should be like Goldilocks' third bowl of porridge - juuuuust right!).  

Me and my BFF Ashlea chillin' at Top Golf!

 My beautiful momma swingin' that club!  

Yep, it's a macaroni and cheese burger, amazing tots, and chicken and waffles!!!  YAY for my taste buds being back!!! :D