Much More Than Conquerors

Ahhh, verse mapping!!!  I love it...Breaking down scripture is so refreshing and satisfying!  It's one of my favorite activities that helps me better understand scripture, and grow closer to God.

Romans 8:31-39 was my reading for today.  There is SOOOO much to unpack in this passage, but what really caught my attention this morning was verse 37:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (NIV) 

At first, I just read through it like "OK cool, God loves us and we conquer stuff through him and his love ok yup yeah cool."  Then something told me to go back, and dig deeper...

I tend to think in short bursts (what I call "bullet-point style" lol); this is also how I do my verse mapping.  So if you can follow me, here we go :)

• "All these things" - In the passage, this is relating to the previous verses in the chapter, regarding condemnation, trouble, hardship, and persecution.  In the bigger picture relating to daily life, it relates to anything and everything in life (including hardships and troubles). 
• "We are" - Not "we might be," but WE ARE (and YOU ARE!).  No question about it!  
• Conquerors: 
• A conqueror is a person who conquers (I know, that's a tough one to grasp!).  
• Conquer means to: 
1. Overcome and take control of (a place or people) by use of military force 
2. Successfully overcome (a problem or weakness)
3. Climb (a mountain) successfully 
• This can be interpreted to mean that through him (God) and his love, we can conquer and overcome anything and everything.  We can conquer any problems.  We can successfully overcome any addictions, struggles, weaknesses, health issues, financial issues, anything can be overcome with God's love!!!  
• Now, what's even more awesome is that it doesn't stop there.  No, the Bible tells us "we are more than conquerors."  Not only can we overcome our problems and issues, but we are so much more than that!  We will not only survive through our problems, but we will truly thrive through (and after) our problems!  

With God's love, anything is possible.  We can conquer and overcome any setback, any issue, any problem, any frustration, anything and everything!  His love is how I've overcome many problems in life, including cancer, and how I will continue to push forward in life!  

"'If you can?' said Jesus.  'Everything is possible for one who believes.'"  ~Mark 9:23 (NIV)

Never forget you're an overcomer!!!  <3  God bless :)  

Spiritual Warfare, Book Reviews, and Anchors!!!

Whenever I tell people that the easiest part of my cancer journey has been chemotherapy and surgery, they typically look at me like I am crazy (I mean, I get that look a lot anyways, but especially when I tell them about that).  Obviously, they inquire as to why that was easier than my journey since then, and until recently I never could pinpoint it.  It took me a little while, but I finally figured it out.  

I've always known that spiritual warfare exists (at least in my opinion; here is a link about it), as the devil is always looking to get us down and take our eyes off of God.  If you've never seen the movie The War Room, take time to watch it.  Not only does it have a powerful message, it's actually good entertainment!  Anyways, up until late last summer, I never personally knew the enemy's full power (which, keep in mind, is NEVER more powerful than God).  

There was a lot of anxiety (which I've always struggled with) and depression (which was new to me).  I constantly felt overwhelmed, drained, and defeated, with feelings of worthlessness and despair that I couldn't shake.  I would read my Bible, but the words seemed hollow and untrue.  I would pray, and I felt that my words fell on deaf ears.  

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and my anxieties and depression grew worse.  I fought them all day every day, which was exhausting.  

His job was much easier when I going through surgery and chemo.  When you are going through that, you are very much focused on just keeping yourself alive; you don't really notice or worry about what else is going on in your life, or what is going on around you.  Plus, that stuff is terrible enough on its own that it's practically the devil incarnate (and I know many of you have gone through "Red Devil" chemo).  The enemy doesn't have to try very hard to get you down; often, you're already there.  Even though I had was fortunate enough to maintain a positive attitude throughout treatment, it wasn't always easy.  I read my Bible and prayed daily, and I know this helped me tremendously.  

When you finish all the physically grueling things, that's when his real work begins, and he works HARD to try and destroy us.  And if you're not ready for it or expecting it, it can catch you off guard.  Wayyyyy off guard.  I had confidently expected once I finished chemo and radiation, the rest would be smooth sailing.  So I threw myself back into "regular" life.  I started seeing my friends regularly, started dating, started fundraising and doing charity work, started a business, etc etc.  All of these things are wonderful, important things, but I slowly forgot everything I learned while going through my cancer journey: put God first, and everything else will fall into place.   

As my schedule got busier and busier, my spiritual life was pushed aside.  I read my Bible and prayer maybe once to twice a week, and my prayers were shallow and rushed.  After a few months, I had become so frustrated and angry and depressed I hated my life.  I was so mad that I went through all of that treatment just to come out the other side with a life that I absolutely hated, even though it was a wonderful life.  I would get more angry with myself when I would ask why couldn't I just appreciate this wonderful life I had?  I started hearing the answers very clearly: Because you don't deserve anything good, Natalie.  You're not worth it.  You have too much baggage to even consider carrying on.  Etc etc, with everything in my life: my friends, my family, my job, myself, everything.   

And these are the lies we start to believe.  The devil is so smooth and persistent that if we are not constantly on guard, his whispered repetitions become our reality.  Thankfully, God is good, and he is always fighting back for us.  

On my way home from work one night,  a few months ago, I randomly decided to stop by a bookstore on my way home (literally one of those God things as I passed the store, and turned around to go back to it).  I purchased two books that evening, and while I have not finished reading either one, they've both already changed my life.  

The first one is "Fervent" by Priscilla Shirer.  This is a book all about spiritual warfare; specifically the top strategies the enemy tries to destroy your life, and how to use scripture and prayer to fight against him.As the back book cover says: "You have an enemy.  And he's dead set on destroying all you hold dear.  He does it strategically.  He does it specifically.  He's doing it right this minute, in fact - aimed at personally drawn targets on your heart, your home, your mind, your life.  And this book, this battle plan, is your chance to fight back.  With a weapon that really works.  With prayer."  Shirer says are the top ways he tries to destroy us (and I am inclined to agree): 

• Strategy 1: Your Passion - Getting It Back When It's Gone 
• Strategy 2: Your Focus - Fighting the Real Enemy 
• Strategy 3: Your Identity - Remember Who You Are 
• Strategy 4: Your Family - Fortifying the Lives of Those You Love 
• Strategy 5: Your Past - Ending the Reign of Guilt, Shame, and Regret 
• Strategy 6: Your Fears - Confronting Your Worries, Claiming Your Calling 
• Strategy 7: Your Purity - Staying Strong in Your Most Susceptible Places 
• Strategy 8: Your Pressure - Reclaiming Peace, Rest, and Contentment 
• Strategy 9: Your Hurts - Turning Bitterness to Forgiveness 
• Strategy 10: Your Relationships: Uniting in a Common Cause 

Definitely all the areas in which I can feel Satan trying to sabotage me and my life.  

The second book is "Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships" by Chip Ingram.  I had just recently starting dating literally the most perfect man, but I was constantly plagued with anxiety about the relationship.  Despite his encouragement to the contrary, I just knew I wasn't good enough for him (and that I was probably bad for him), that he was too good to be true, that once the "honeymoon" phase ended it would be over, that I would screw it up somehow, etc.  So I picked this book up, and for anyone in any relationship (romantic, friendship, working, or otherwise), I recommend it.  The enemy constantly wants us at odds with everyone we have a relationship with: blaming them for our unhappiness and frustrations.  In reality, we need to realize there are two different ways of doing relationships (this is specifically tailored to romantic relationships, but can be adapted for all relationships): 

1. The Hollywood Formula (AKA how most of us have always known to do relationships): 
• Step 1: Find the right person. 
• Step 2: Fall in love. 
• Step 3: Fix your hopes and dreams on this person for your future fulfillment. 
• Step 4: If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3. 
2. God's Prescription for Relationships: 
• Step 1: Become the right person. 
• Step 2: Walk in love. 
• Step 3: Fix your hope on God, and seek to please Him through this relationship. 
• Step 4: If failure occurs (and it will, as we are humans), repeat steps 1,2, and 3.  

Once you work on becoming the right person (and not looking for the right person, or expecting your partner to be the perfect person), walking in love (and not just falling in love, but loving them unconditionally, and showing them grace and mercy), and fixing your hope on God and serving Him through this relationship (instead of expecting this person to fulfill all your hopes and dreams, which one person absolutely cannot do), your relationships will change DRAMATICALLY, as will your life.  

And of course, we are human and we will fail, so when you do...start again with becoming the right person.  And repeat.  And repeat again, and again.....

I LOVE books that change your life.  Now I'm back in the Bible every day, and spending daily time in prayer with Jesus, and I am back to feeling that joy and peace that God so lavishly and lovingly gives.  I know that there will be more spiritual battles I will experience in this life, but I will be reading, knowing that God will always win the war.  

And yes, I'm also back to loving my life and the people in it, my job, and Jesus :)  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I wanted to add this bit here too, as it is a post I wrote on New Years Eve a few days ago, but never got around to publishing :) 


2016 is winding down, and 2017 is rapidly approaching.  In lieu of traditional resolutions, I like to pick a "word of the year" for myself to focus on.  This year, it was "survive" (of course!).  The year before it was "cultivate."  2017's word: Anchor.  

As many of you know, at some point during 2016 I became obsessed with anchors.  Not just a "hey those are cool" type of obsession; an obsession in which I became so infatuated I wanted a tattoo of an anchor.  I wanted it on my left wrist (because that's the side my cancer was on); however I'm not allowed to have needlesticks on that arm (since my lymph nodes were removed).  Which is fine; I will just "anchorage" up everything else! ;)  I fell in love with the symbol after I heard the song "Eye of the Storm" by Ryan Stephenson, in which the lyrics say: 

In the eye of the storm

You remain in control

In the middle of the war

You guard my soul

You alone are the anchor

When my sails are torn 

Your love surrounds me

In the eye of the storm 

Jesus is the only one who, when we are lost or falling apart, can keep us together.  Our family and friends and others are great and helpful, but only Jesus alone can save us in the storms of life.  

So what is more perfect than making anchor my word of the year?!? :)  

Now my musings on why choosing the word anchor, so that 1. I can remember; and 2. enlighten and hopefully inspire you all  :D  

Wikipedia defines an anchor as: "A device, normally made of metal, used to connect a vessel to the bed of a body of water to prevent the craft from drifting due to the wind or current."  I interpret this (via my spiritual Christianity) to be: "A device (being/entity = Jesus), normally made of metal (or made of the Holy Spirit! :) used to connect a vessel (us, humans, people) to the bed (a firm rock, or other stable place) of a body of water (life) to prevent the craft from drifting due to the wind or current (life situations/circumstances, stressors, anything that can throw us off course).  Thus, Jesus is my anchor, who keeps me grounded in Him and in His hope; keeping me from drifting away into anxiety, depression, hopelessness, etc.  

Now, don't get me wrong, I still struggle with anxiety almost daily; however it is a lot more manageable when I spend time with Jesus every day!  

Conva-WHAT?!?

Today was the appointment I have been most anxiously awaiting - meeting with my medical oncologist.  Barely a week after my diagnosis, I was still wrapping my head around (and trying to accept) the fact that I have cancer.  I knew I would have lots of decisions to make, but I did not realize how many decisions there would be; nor did I know how much they would impact my future, and the lives of those closest to me.

First there is surgery.  Fortunately, there are several options for surgeries, all of which have pros and cons.  I am currently leaning towards bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, which all of my doctors have fully supported (those reasons would fill up another entire blog post of its own).  While I had always thought it would be relatively easy to simply say, "Yes!  Take my boobs and give me new, fun ones!" it has not been easy.  I am still praying over this decision, asking for God's guidance and peace.  2 Corinthians 5:1-7 has been very helpful:

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.  For we live by faith, not by sight.  (NIV) 

I will not dwell in this body for all eternity, only for a short while here on earth; therefore I can have no fear in removing any body parts that may prevent me from living the life God has blessed me with to the fullest.  We are here to do His work, and I can't have dysfunctional boobs getting in the way of that! :) 

Next there is all the treatments after surgery.  My oncologist said they definitely want me to do chemo.  We asked when the treatments would begin.  The doctor said, "After surgery, and after your have had a period of convalescence (approximately four weeks), we will begin treatment."  

Convalescence???  As in, convalesce???  What the heck does THAT mean?!?!?

I had to ask for clarification, as my early-onset chemo brain had lost all meaning to this word.  All I could think of was "convoluted" and "essence," and I wasn't able to make sense of these.  Of course she explained it means a period of time spent recovering from an illness or surgery.  AKA recuperating.  

AKA recovering.  Ok I know what that means!

So after I'm recovered from surgery, then we can start chemo.  While I am thankful there is chemo to help me survive, I am SCARED!!!   I will have a port placed, which is better than regular IV's.  I will lose my hair, which makes me VERY anxious; however I am actually kind of excited I can wear cute winter hats and not worry about my hair becoming smushed!  Plus, that is a legit reason to go shopping!!!  My parents can't argue that one with me! ;)  I've always known that with chemo, you can lose ALL your hair; but it just dawned on me today that my eyelashes and my eyebrows are composed of hair!  How in the WORLD am I supposed to stay warm all winter, especially having Raynauds?!  

Cue more shopping!  ;)  

Losing my hair and worry about side affects are my biggest concerns right now.  Fortunetly, I know that with God (and not to mention my AWESOME support network - I love you ALL!!!) I can get through it!  

The third thing is something I did not expect, or did not think about being an issue when I got my diagnosis.  The subject of fertility.  I never thought about chemo affecting my ability to have kids.  I now suddenly feel pressured to quickly figure out if having children is something I truly want to do.  I've always joked about how I don't want kids, but I've never been at a place in my life where I had enough financial/emotional/etc stability to have them; not to mention I wanted to experience just marriage first, before starting a family.  God has never really put it on my heart to have children, so why am I even worried?  What if I choose not to have children, go through chemo without freezing eggs or anything (I have no idea what all they do to help chemo patients have kids in the future), then later in life regret NOT having children?  Or regret not even TRYING to have children?  I have never actually considered the thought of starting a family, because it seemed so far away, and I wanted to make sure I was married and had stability in this crazy world before bringing a tiny human into it.  

But, that's where prayer comes in.  I am so thankful for a God who does love us, guide us, and give us peace.  I am also thankful for YOU!!!  Your love, support, and prayers (plus God's goodness) are what is keeping me going.  Blessings to you!!!