Spiritual Warfare, Book Reviews, and Anchors!!!

Whenever I tell people that the easiest part of my cancer journey has been chemotherapy and surgery, they typically look at me like I am crazy (I mean, I get that look a lot anyways, but especially when I tell them about that).  Obviously, they inquire as to why that was easier than my journey since then, and until recently I never could pinpoint it.  It took me a little while, but I finally figured it out.  

I've always known that spiritual warfare exists (at least in my opinion; here is a link about it), as the devil is always looking to get us down and take our eyes off of God.  If you've never seen the movie The War Room, take time to watch it.  Not only does it have a powerful message, it's actually good entertainment!  Anyways, up until late last summer, I never personally knew the enemy's full power (which, keep in mind, is NEVER more powerful than God).  

There was a lot of anxiety (which I've always struggled with) and depression (which was new to me).  I constantly felt overwhelmed, drained, and defeated, with feelings of worthlessness and despair that I couldn't shake.  I would read my Bible, but the words seemed hollow and untrue.  I would pray, and I felt that my words fell on deaf ears.  

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and my anxieties and depression grew worse.  I fought them all day every day, which was exhausting.  

His job was much easier when I going through surgery and chemo.  When you are going through that, you are very much focused on just keeping yourself alive; you don't really notice or worry about what else is going on in your life, or what is going on around you.  Plus, that stuff is terrible enough on its own that it's practically the devil incarnate (and I know many of you have gone through "Red Devil" chemo).  The enemy doesn't have to try very hard to get you down; often, you're already there.  Even though I had was fortunate enough to maintain a positive attitude throughout treatment, it wasn't always easy.  I read my Bible and prayed daily, and I know this helped me tremendously.  

When you finish all the physically grueling things, that's when his real work begins, and he works HARD to try and destroy us.  And if you're not ready for it or expecting it, it can catch you off guard.  Wayyyyy off guard.  I had confidently expected once I finished chemo and radiation, the rest would be smooth sailing.  So I threw myself back into "regular" life.  I started seeing my friends regularly, started dating, started fundraising and doing charity work, started a business, etc etc.  All of these things are wonderful, important things, but I slowly forgot everything I learned while going through my cancer journey: put God first, and everything else will fall into place.   

As my schedule got busier and busier, my spiritual life was pushed aside.  I read my Bible and prayer maybe once to twice a week, and my prayers were shallow and rushed.  After a few months, I had become so frustrated and angry and depressed I hated my life.  I was so mad that I went through all of that treatment just to come out the other side with a life that I absolutely hated, even though it was a wonderful life.  I would get more angry with myself when I would ask why couldn't I just appreciate this wonderful life I had?  I started hearing the answers very clearly: Because you don't deserve anything good, Natalie.  You're not worth it.  You have too much baggage to even consider carrying on.  Etc etc, with everything in my life: my friends, my family, my job, myself, everything.   

And these are the lies we start to believe.  The devil is so smooth and persistent that if we are not constantly on guard, his whispered repetitions become our reality.  Thankfully, God is good, and he is always fighting back for us.  

On my way home from work one night,  a few months ago, I randomly decided to stop by a bookstore on my way home (literally one of those God things as I passed the store, and turned around to go back to it).  I purchased two books that evening, and while I have not finished reading either one, they've both already changed my life.  

The first one is "Fervent" by Priscilla Shirer.  This is a book all about spiritual warfare; specifically the top strategies the enemy tries to destroy your life, and how to use scripture and prayer to fight against him.As the back book cover says: "You have an enemy.  And he's dead set on destroying all you hold dear.  He does it strategically.  He does it specifically.  He's doing it right this minute, in fact - aimed at personally drawn targets on your heart, your home, your mind, your life.  And this book, this battle plan, is your chance to fight back.  With a weapon that really works.  With prayer."  Shirer says are the top ways he tries to destroy us (and I am inclined to agree): 

• Strategy 1: Your Passion - Getting It Back When It's Gone 
• Strategy 2: Your Focus - Fighting the Real Enemy 
• Strategy 3: Your Identity - Remember Who You Are 
• Strategy 4: Your Family - Fortifying the Lives of Those You Love 
• Strategy 5: Your Past - Ending the Reign of Guilt, Shame, and Regret 
• Strategy 6: Your Fears - Confronting Your Worries, Claiming Your Calling 
• Strategy 7: Your Purity - Staying Strong in Your Most Susceptible Places 
• Strategy 8: Your Pressure - Reclaiming Peace, Rest, and Contentment 
• Strategy 9: Your Hurts - Turning Bitterness to Forgiveness 
• Strategy 10: Your Relationships: Uniting in a Common Cause 

Definitely all the areas in which I can feel Satan trying to sabotage me and my life.  

The second book is "Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships" by Chip Ingram.  I had just recently starting dating literally the most perfect man, but I was constantly plagued with anxiety about the relationship.  Despite his encouragement to the contrary, I just knew I wasn't good enough for him (and that I was probably bad for him), that he was too good to be true, that once the "honeymoon" phase ended it would be over, that I would screw it up somehow, etc.  So I picked this book up, and for anyone in any relationship (romantic, friendship, working, or otherwise), I recommend it.  The enemy constantly wants us at odds with everyone we have a relationship with: blaming them for our unhappiness and frustrations.  In reality, we need to realize there are two different ways of doing relationships (this is specifically tailored to romantic relationships, but can be adapted for all relationships): 

1. The Hollywood Formula (AKA how most of us have always known to do relationships): 
• Step 1: Find the right person. 
• Step 2: Fall in love. 
• Step 3: Fix your hopes and dreams on this person for your future fulfillment. 
• Step 4: If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3. 
2. God's Prescription for Relationships: 
• Step 1: Become the right person. 
• Step 2: Walk in love. 
• Step 3: Fix your hope on God, and seek to please Him through this relationship. 
• Step 4: If failure occurs (and it will, as we are humans), repeat steps 1,2, and 3.  

Once you work on becoming the right person (and not looking for the right person, or expecting your partner to be the perfect person), walking in love (and not just falling in love, but loving them unconditionally, and showing them grace and mercy), and fixing your hope on God and serving Him through this relationship (instead of expecting this person to fulfill all your hopes and dreams, which one person absolutely cannot do), your relationships will change DRAMATICALLY, as will your life.  

And of course, we are human and we will fail, so when you do...start again with becoming the right person.  And repeat.  And repeat again, and again.....

I LOVE books that change your life.  Now I'm back in the Bible every day, and spending daily time in prayer with Jesus, and I am back to feeling that joy and peace that God so lavishly and lovingly gives.  I know that there will be more spiritual battles I will experience in this life, but I will be reading, knowing that God will always win the war.  

And yes, I'm also back to loving my life and the people in it, my job, and Jesus :)  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I wanted to add this bit here too, as it is a post I wrote on New Years Eve a few days ago, but never got around to publishing :) 


2016 is winding down, and 2017 is rapidly approaching.  In lieu of traditional resolutions, I like to pick a "word of the year" for myself to focus on.  This year, it was "survive" (of course!).  The year before it was "cultivate."  2017's word: Anchor.  

As many of you know, at some point during 2016 I became obsessed with anchors.  Not just a "hey those are cool" type of obsession; an obsession in which I became so infatuated I wanted a tattoo of an anchor.  I wanted it on my left wrist (because that's the side my cancer was on); however I'm not allowed to have needlesticks on that arm (since my lymph nodes were removed).  Which is fine; I will just "anchorage" up everything else! ;)  I fell in love with the symbol after I heard the song "Eye of the Storm" by Ryan Stephenson, in which the lyrics say: 

In the eye of the storm

You remain in control

In the middle of the war

You guard my soul

You alone are the anchor

When my sails are torn 

Your love surrounds me

In the eye of the storm 

Jesus is the only one who, when we are lost or falling apart, can keep us together.  Our family and friends and others are great and helpful, but only Jesus alone can save us in the storms of life.  

So what is more perfect than making anchor my word of the year?!? :)  

Now my musings on why choosing the word anchor, so that 1. I can remember; and 2. enlighten and hopefully inspire you all  :D  

Wikipedia defines an anchor as: "A device, normally made of metal, used to connect a vessel to the bed of a body of water to prevent the craft from drifting due to the wind or current."  I interpret this (via my spiritual Christianity) to be: "A device (being/entity = Jesus), normally made of metal (or made of the Holy Spirit! :) used to connect a vessel (us, humans, people) to the bed (a firm rock, or other stable place) of a body of water (life) to prevent the craft from drifting due to the wind or current (life situations/circumstances, stressors, anything that can throw us off course).  Thus, Jesus is my anchor, who keeps me grounded in Him and in His hope; keeping me from drifting away into anxiety, depression, hopelessness, etc.  

Now, don't get me wrong, I still struggle with anxiety almost daily; however it is a lot more manageable when I spend time with Jesus every day!  

Planned Parenthood - Natalie Style!

So, how does one start a blog post that's very, very personal???  Yeah, no clue...so I'll dive right in!!! lol...ok so yes...while we believe my fertility is most likely shot, there's no way of guaranteeing that I will for sure not get pregnant.  Unless I am completely abstinent for the rest of my life; which, yeah...probably not going to happen for the girl who made sugar cookies with "SEX" written on them in red food gel lettering on them in high school!!!  *facepalm for my high school self* 

Le sigh...

Anyways, when I first thought I wanted to blog about this topic, I questioned my motives.  I've never actually questioned my "why am I sharing this" before, because I always just knew it was because I wanted to educate, encourage, and inspire others.  Also, up until now, everything has been relatively easy to share, because all of my decisions have been widely accepted and understood by all of my family, friends, and people in general.  Reproduction is the only subject I've received any condemnation on, which is why I questioned my motives for sharing all this.  Do I feel the need to justify my decisions?  Do I think that I need approval from others?  Or do I truly want to be transparent about this deeply sensitive, emotional, and almost taboo topic, in hope that it educates and helps others?  

After a lot of contemplation, it is my hope and prayer that you read this with an open mind and and open heart; which is how we should approach everyone in life.  I do not expect everyone to understand, but I hope it gives you some insight into the lives and minds of those of us who willingly choose to not have children of our own.  

While I am still prayerfully considering my options, I know in my heart what is best for me, my body, and my life; and also what I want most.  Pretty much all of my healthcare-related decisions up until this point have really only affected ME; deciding to permanently sterilize oneself directly affects others, especially any future spouse.  All my decisions up until now have been pretty easy to make: 

• Surgery:  Lumpectomy?  Mastectomy?  Single or double?  Reconstruction?  FLAP/TRAM, expanders/implants, or nothing?  Nipple conservation?  Nipple reconstruction?  3D tattoos?  Saline, silicone, or gummy?  Teardrop or round?  For me, this was the easiest decision to make...the night I was diagnosed, I knew I wanted my breasts completely removed, so I could have brand new ones!!!  LOL...thank the Lord for giving me tiny breasts to begin with, so that it was an easy decision!  
• Chemotherapy:  A controversial topic in and of itself, especially when you come from a natural health background.  Not only does it involve the decision to undergo chemo (are the short and long-term side effect risks worth the benefits?  Should I do chemo first?), but also do you want to get a port or picc line?  This was also an easy decision for me, thankfully.  I knew I wanted to get a power port, and do absolutely everything I could to save my life; even if it included going through hell with chemotherapy...because I knew I would be going to hell and back.  And I wanted to come back and stick around here for a long time!  
• Radiation:  I dreaded this for some reason, I think because I had a feeling it would make me tired.  It did, of course, but I trusted my doctors, my knowledge and research, my gut instincts, and of course God to help me know that this was another good choice for me.  
• Tamoxifen:  Still up for debate on this one, but it's still a much easier decision to take this pill for 10 years than decide on reproductive options.

Speaking of Tamoxifen, this is one factor that's helped me make my decision.  Tamoxifen is an estrogen-blocker that is an oral medication taken daily that stops estrogen-positive cancers from coming back.  Since my cancer THRIVED on estrogen, this is a very good option for me.  It is supposed to be taken for 10 years, and you are not supposed to get pregnant during this time (due to teratogenic effects).  My 10 years will basically be starting at age 33 for me, which will make me 43 when I finish the course.  

Personally, I know I don't want to be giving birth to and raising children at age 43, for many reasons that I'm sure you can imagine.  Yes, I could stop the medication at some point, but I know that the worry of "OMG will my hormones going out of whack bring my tumor back?!?  What if it grows back and I have this child and then die from cancer?!?"  Yes, those are extreme thoughts and worries, but I know myself well enough to know that those concerns would overwhelm me, and Natalie does not do well when she is stressed out (as we have seen by Natalie getting cancer previously).  :)  

So what is a girl to do when she does not want to get pregnant, but wants to have sex someday lol, and cannot have any form of hormonal birth control?  

I had a nice conversation with my oncologist yesterday about my options.  I'm sure I will review them with her in more detail, as well as with my OBGYN, but with my mother dearest and my dear boyfriend in the room with me, I just wanted an overview and short discussion of my current options, which for me include: IUD, medically-induced menopause (I'm currently in peri-menopause), tubal ligation, or ovary removal.  Just some minor things...

My first thought with an IUD was "What?!  I don't want a foreign implant in my body!!!"  Then remembered I have two large foreign implants sitting in my body right now!  So what makes an IUD any different???  As far as it being a foreign object, there is no difference really, but for me physically it is not the best option.  Medically-induced menopause?  Um...SCARY!!!  As is ovary removal!!!  I'm thankful I don't have any of the BRCA gene mutations, or else they'd definitely want to be harvesting my ovaries!  I really feel for all my friends who are having theirs out...love you guys (well, girls...you're amazing! <3 ).  So while it's not a done deal, a tubal ligation is most likely my best option for me, both personally and physically.  

So, if I CAN have something reversible, why wouldn't I want that?  Because I know, in my heart, that I do not want to produce children with my body, or with my eggs (over the past year I've realized I don't want my DNA passed on...which sounds silly I know, but with all of my issues and family history issues...yeah no lol).  As crazy as it sounds (and believe me, I have been told by MANY people over many years [and especially over the past year] that this is crazy, that there must be something wrong with me, that I'm not a REAL woman, etc etc...) I have never really wanted children of my own; nor have I ever had the desire to be pregnant or give birth.  I know, many of you are reading this and going WHAT?!?  Because I know many of you want nothing more than to become pregnant with your own child, to carry your own child, and to give birth to your child.  And I think that is a wonderful, beautiful thing, and you know I keep you in my prayers.  I am thankful, however, that this is something God has never put on my heart.  I had never understood it, and I always DID think I was weird or that something was wrong with me; but when I was diagnosed with cancer, and heard that I could possibly never had children, it all made sense and I thanked God.  

I did always wonder that if I met the right person, and was in the right relationship, I might change my mind.  But I have (FINALLY! ;) met the right person, and am in the right relationship, and my feelings have not changed.  I can't predict the future, and I could be wrong, but I do not forsee myself ever changing my mind on this one.  

How can I say this with such confidence?  Well, for one, I have always known that if I were to want children, I want to adopt them.  Not to liken children to animals, but I've always felt about children like I do about animals:  there are SO MANY IN THE WORLD WHO DON'T HAVE HOMES, or people to love them!!!  I can't handle thinking about all the animals in shelters...OMG it breaks me heart and brings me to tears if I even start to think about it!!!  And if I see one of those blasted ASPCA etc commercials, even just for one nanosecond of a mangy animal who has that look of heartbreak in their eyes, I'm emotionally ruined for a week.  

So when I picture children like that, my heart breaks a million times over. 

No offense to animal breeders, because those animals need homes too; but there are already SO MANY who need homes!  And for me, it is that way with children too: there area already SO MANY who need homes and love and care; why would I NOT choose them???  I know that probably sounds ridiculous and crazy, but for some crazy reason (maybe because I AM crazy? lol) I've always felt that way, and had that opinion.  

Now, know that I've already gotten a lot of crap about this too throughout my life: 

• "Why would you want to raise someone else's kids?!?"  Because SOMEONE HAS TO!  And why NOT me???  Because, if not me, then who else will show them and give them the love, encouragement, support, etc that they need?  
• "You just don't know what you're getting when you adopt!"  LOL...this one always cracks me up, because you know what???  You don't know what you're getting with LIFE!!!  As soon as you enter this world, you don't know what you're getting!  We aren't guaranteed anything in life; we're not even guaranteed tomorrow.  You might be the most perfect person, with the most perfect spouse, with the most perfect DNA (which none of that even exists); but until Jesus returns this world ain't perfect, and your children will be out in this crazy, corrupted world...so you don't really know what you're getting with anything (especially with kids!).  Until we truly solve the whole nature vs. nuture debate, I'll just keep my mind focused on Jesus.  
• "But what if they grow up and kill you?  Or kill others?"  My first response is typically, "Well what if YOUR children grow up and kill YOU, or others?"  Thankfully, I'm ususally shocked into silence long enough for my filter to kick in, and I don't actually say that.  My usual response is, "Ok, if they kill or harm or do bad stuff, yep that would be horrible; I cannot imagine that!  And if they kill me, well then I'll be up in heaven with Jesus!  And how many non-adopted children grow up and do bad things?  But seriously, we can't fear the future for any reason.  We can fear the future for so many reasons, but if we do that then we will miss out on so many of the amazing things that God has in store for us!"  And then they are the ones who are silenced.   
• "Oh, you will change your mind someday!"  Mmm...I haven't in 33 years now...maybe, but doubtful.  And if I do, well I know God will get me through that too!  
• ETC ETC!!! :)  

The best thing of all?  I have the most amazing and supportive family, friends, and boyfriend...without them, we all know I would not have made it this far in my journey; analld I surely could not be making a decision like this.  And my boyfriend, ahhhh dear Austin, what an amazing man!  I've been so blessed to have SO MANY "God things" and God-sends and gifts that I know are directly from God in my life time, and Austin is one of the best!  He is literally the man I've been looking for and praying for my whole life, and it amazes me every day that I have been blessed with such a perfect gift.  I could write so much on how and why I know he is a gift from God, but I'll keep this short and sweet: From the very beginning we've been on the same page about having children, and the dude is more than open and willing to adopt (and his reasons would melt your heart!).  Plus,any man that can sit through a doctor's appointment and listen to all the things discussed yesterday (as if hearing that your girlfriend should probably have her tubes tied isn't bad enough, all the other bodily conversations and what not were fun to listen to also I'm sure!) and not run out of the room and hold my hand during chemotherapy is simply amazing...simply perfect <3 

I'm amazed every single day at how my life has changed for the better since my cancer diagnosis.  Never in a million years did I think I would have cancer at age 31; and never in a million years did I think I would kick cancer's ass and come out happier and better than ever!  

Ok, so that was a lot!  Thank you for reading, I hope you learned something or at least have some insight into us crazy, weird, strange women who are different than "normal" women.  Now I have that song (I think it's from Sesame Street???) that goes like, "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong!" stuck in my head! LOL!!!  Except I know where I belong...right here, right now, right where God has me.  Love you all so much, and thank you <3 <3 <3 

Patience is a Virtue...That I Still Need to Learn! (scroll to bottom for pics and a quick update)

Oh patience!  Patience is defined (via Google) as: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."  I feel like I have done pretty well with being patient in life, up until this week.  I've been frustrated before, but yesterday found me VERY IMPATIENT.  I had several things I wanted to accomplish, and I had determined this to-do list without regard for my current condition.  My condition is mainly just mental and physical exhaustion from radiation and chemo, but it's aggravated by the major skin irritation on my left side, breathing difficulties (everything major has been ruled out thankfully, but the feeling of not being able to breathe and like I am suffocating at times induces great anxiety in my), etc.  I am usually able to remind myself that all this is only temporary, and that this too shall pass; but yesterday I failed!  

I've been doing an online Bible study (which has been AMAZING, thank you Tiffany!) that has reminded me and encouraged me to get in The Word every day, as it is our spiritual daily bread.  I've written a devotional on this topic, I should KNOW to be in The Word every day!  But yesterday I didn't consume my spiritual daily bread.  I decided I wanted to go ahead and check something off my to-do list, which was go for a walk and stretch.  

Now, exercise is good (and it felt GREAT), but I did not leave myself enough time to open my Bible and read.  Everything was fine until I got to my radiation appointment at 8:45, and they were running 30 minutes behind.  This shouldn't even have been an issue for me, but because I had made so many plans for myself, I let it stress me out.  A LOT.  Which threw my entire day off, and resulted in a lovely panic attack (even after a couple Xanax).  I can't help but wonder if I could have prevented this by spending even just a few minutes with God, in His Word, before starting my day?  The endorphin rush from my workout was awesome, but it pales in comparison to the peace, clarity, and joy we receive from spending time in The Word.  

Also, I MAY have had an unrealistic amount of to-do's on my list...a big surprise coming from me, right? ;)  

This is where I get frustrated.  I am overall feeling SO MUCH BETTER than just a few months ago, but I'm surprised at how fatigued and brain-fogged radiation can make you!  I figured I would just sail through radiation (sound familiar?  like how I thought I'd sail through chemo? lol); but in reality it's a big toll on the body and I need to give myself the time to heal.  Fortunately, I have a lot of motivation and drive to accomplish many things; unfortunately, I am impatient about all the things I want to accomplish.  I want to start working on them all NOW!!!  I also get frustrated because I haven't been able to work full time.  Fortunately, I have an AMAZING boss who allows me to work as much or as little as I can, and co-workers who are so supportive (and I can't imagine doing this journey without any of my office peeps!); unfortunately, I am a Type-A control freak who wants everything done perfectly by the end of every day.  Which is IMPOSSIBLE in a dental office as it is, and even more impossible with my current state of mind and being.  

Update: Overall I am doing very well, all things considered.  My hair is growing back nicely!  I only have 4 radiation treatments left, and I am so thankful for that!  My skin burns are not bad, just a couple of spots where the skin is slightly broken and irritated.  I've "graduated" to only having to see my medical oncologist every 6 weeks now, instead of every 3 weeks (I will still continue to do Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks).  At my next appointment with her, I will start Tamoxifen; the hormone-blocker I'm slated to be on for 10 years.  I have to admit I'm nervous about this for 2 reasons: 1. possible side effects, and 2. 10 YEARS.  TEN. YEARS.  I'm scared to commit to that!  Although I can always stop if if I chose to.  And the commitment issue might also explain my recent single-ness...but I've also come to realize that even if I am single forever, that is ok because I DO have so many things I want to accomplish, people I want to help, and things I want to do and see!  I now always pray that God's will be done in my life, because I've finally come to fully understand that God's will is always the best for our lives.  It only took me 32 years, but hey better now than never! :)    

The burn here isn't too bad, it's mostly just itchy...and seatbelts irritate it!!!   And that's my port on my right side :) 

Under my left axilla, these little marks aren't big (thankfully!) but they are deep and they are INCREDIBLY tender (I think this is part of my insomnia...can't get comfortable)

All dressed up for the Making Strides for Breast Cancer photo shoot!!!  :D  

Snapped this pic on National Selfie Day...I still get goosebumps every time I look at it, or even think of it!  God finally got my attention...I'm following Him harder than ever!!!  

Thank you SO MUCH for reading, and God bless!!!  Hope everyone has a very safe and happy 4th of July!!!  :)  

Money and the Meaning of Life

Last week's sermon by Adam Hamilton was incredible (as usual!).  The topic was concerning money and the true meaning of life.  If you would like to view it, here is the link:  Money and the Meaning of Life.  Here are my notes from the sermon, along with the notes from the daily scripture readings:

• Scripture reference:  Ecclesiastes 2:3-11, selected verses:  I built houses for myself and planted vineyards.  I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them...I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me.  I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings of provinces...I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me...I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure...Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind.  
• Sometimes we are not committed to God with our whole heart (i.e. Solomon). 
• The real meaning in life is not having more, but sharing more.  Gladness begets generosity, and generosity begets gladness!  
• Giving is an act of worship and devotion; is an antidote to materialism; and is investing in God's work.  It is showing that God is truly first in your life, and that you are being obedient to Him.  
• When you remember your true purpose in life (bringing glory to God), you find true joy.  
• 2 Corinthians 9:6 - Sowing and reaping: make giving the daily rhythm of your life.  Always think of ways to bless and encourage others, or surprise someone.  
• 1 Timothy 6:9, 18-19 - My desire in life is to be rich in good deeds!  At the end of my life, I want people to say "her life was defined by generosity!"  
• Matthew 6:19-24 - There can only be one main focus and main goal in life, and Jesus urges us to choose God and the values of God's unseen kingdom.  
• Philippians 2:1-11 - An attitude like Jesus: Jesus pursued goals that were different than much of his (and our) culture.  He did so with dignity, strength, and resolve.  Paul urges his readers to guide our lives by Jesus' values.  
• Philippians 4:6-13 - Learning the secret of being content: Paul writes that prayer, hope, a focus on the good, and contentment build one deep trust in God were the basis for his world-changing life.  

My thoughts and reflections from the sermon: 

• Why be committed to anything or anyone BUT God?  He is the only one who will never fail you or let you down, regardless of what you do or have!  
• I want to use my life and assets to bless and encourage others, so that they may come to see and know Jesus!  
• As we know, choosing to serve only God is easy - it's the execution that is not always easy!  I have unsubscribed from all emails from stores that tempt me to go shopping, and have started using Dave Ramsey's "cash envelope" system.  While sometimes I still struggle with choosing Starbucks or shopping over giving, this has greatly helped me see the good that can be done when we put our focus on Jesus!   

For a Reason

Along with my "Favorite Scriptures" post, this one will be a work in progress too - a collection of inspiring and motivational quotes for when times get tough, lonely, or things are confusing :)  

Lysa TerKeurst:

• "Whatever God says do, DO IT!!!"  
• "Being a woman who says yes to God means making the choice to trust Him even when you can't understand why He requires some of the things He does.  It also means that once you've said yes to God, you refuse to turn back even when things get hard."  
• "When you give up what's not yours, when you listen and respond to God, the blessings will be more radical and more amazing than you ever imagined!

Mandy Hale:

• "You can only attract what you already are.  So if you want it, become it!"
• "When you are on the rise, some people are going to be left behind.  Not everyone's meant to go where you're going." 
• "Beautiful is the woman who knows herself, loves herself, and accepts herself...just as the way she is."  
• "Sometimes you have to move on without certain people.  If they're meant to be in your life, they'll catch up."  
• What Does Letting Go Look Like?  

Other great quotes, etc:

• "God knows change can make your life richer.  Live for today but hold your hands open to tomorrow.  Anticipate the future and its changes with joy.  There is a seed of God's love in every even, every circumstance, every unpleasant situation in which you may find yourself.  Don't get stuck in a rut or hung up on an outdated blessing.  You serve a God of change!"  ~Barbara Johnson
• "Let go of the old, so you can completely take hold of the new."  Joyce Meyer 
• Embrace the Wait 

Scriptures:  

• Deuteronomy 2:3 - "You have circled this mountain long enough.  Now turn North."  
• Romans 5:3-4 - "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  
• Collection of scriptures for "Moving On"  

Favorite Scriptures - Work in Progress!

I've decided to make a post where I can continuously add scriptures that I love as I run across them.  I have so many favorites and ones that I need to remember, so having them collected in one place will be helpful!!!  :)  Different versions also help me to understand His Word better as well.  In no particular order: 

• Philippians 4:13

• Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally.  I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.  I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little.  I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.  (MSG, v. 11-13) 
• I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  (NKJV) 

• Proverbs 3:5-6 

• Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  (NIV)  
• Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure everything out on your own.  Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.  (MSG)  

• Philippians 4:6-7 

• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (NIV) 
• Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before your know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.  (MSG)  

• Philippians 4:8 

• Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.  (NIV) 

• Colossians 3:23

• Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for human masters.  (NIV)  
• And don't just do the minimum that will get you by.  Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance.  Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ.  (MSG) 

• Isaiah 26:3-4: You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. (NIV) 
• Isaiah 41:10 
• Don't panic.  I'm with you.  There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength.  I'll help you.  I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.  (MSG) 

• Isaiah 43:2 

• When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  

• Isaiah 43:18-19 

• Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland.  (NIV)
• Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.  Be alert, be present.  I'm about to do something brand-new.  It's bursting out!  Don't you see it?  There it is!  I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.  (MSG)  

• John 15:1-8 

• I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  I am the vine, you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.  (NIV) 

• John 3:30 

• He must become greater; I must become less.  (NIV) 
• That's why my cup is running over.  This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines. (MSG)  

• 1 John 4:18 
• There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  (NIV)  
• There is no room in love for fear.  Well-formed love banishes fear.  Since fear is crippling, a fearful life - fear of death, fear of judgement - is one not yet fully formed in love.  (MSG)  

• Romans 8:6 - The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.  (NIV)
• Romans 12:9-13 

• Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.  Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.  Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.  Don't burn out, keep yourselves fueled and aflame.  Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.  Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.  (MSG)  
• Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord's people who are in need.  Practice hospitality.  (NIV)  

• All of Matthew 5 
• Matthew 5:44 
• 
  
• Matthew 6:33 
• Psalms
• 34:10
• 37:4 
• 40:4
• 46:10 
• 105:4 - Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. (NIV) 
• Proverbs
• 4:23 
• 16:3 
• Nehemiah 8:10 
• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 
• Ephesians 3:17 
• Ephesians 4:26-27
• Ephesians 4:32 
• Galatians 5:22-23 
• Jeremiah 29:11 
• 1 Peter 3:3-4 

• 
  
• Joshua 1:9 

• Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  (NIV)  
• Haven't I commanded you?  Strength!  Courage!  Don't be timid; don't get discouraged.  God, your God, is with you every step you take.  (MSG) 

Updated Blessings! :)

I wanted to take a minute and list out all my blessings, as this always helps me to love my life and God more, and remember to thank Him!

Newly realized blessings!  

• This day - It is beautiful and the sun is shining!!!  I love the warmth of summer heat!  :)  
• Answered prayers:
• My dad and brother have both recently received new jobs!  These are long awaited, wonderful answers to many prayers!  The wait was worth it, as they both love their new jobs :) 
• One of my close friends (from my small group) underwent surgery for endometrial cancer.  They had suspected she would have a long recovery and need chemo and/or radiation, but they were able to do the surgery with minimal recovery time, and she will not need follow-up treatments!  
• Online Bible Study - "Stressed-Less Living" is such a blessing to me!  I learned a lot through the book, Melissa's blog, and the blogs of others.  I felt so encouraged and inspired by reading posts and interacting with amazing women, and having people comment on my blog - this helped me get through some difficult moments in the past few weeks!  Proverbs 31 Ministries is amazing (their daily devotionals are wonderful too)!!!  
• Recent vacation - I got to spend a week with one of my best friends, relaxing and having an adventure in Cabo!  

I am so thankful to the Lord that I got to take a week away from the office, relax, get to the beach, explore a new place, and try out some new and exciting things!  The best part was waking up in the morning and reading my Bible and praying while listening to the waves crash on the beach.  

        Seeing His wonders in nature help me feel very close and connected to            

        Him!  

• Office - we have a policy manual and have been starting reviews - things are shaping up, and I have great hope for the practice!  
• Gideon Bible Study - I have started a new Bible study with two ladies from work.  In one week I have already learned more new and incredible things.  I am always amazed at how we can always be growing with the Lord, and how much closer we can get to Him.  Priscilla Shirer is an amazing woman and author!  
• Eating well - This is something I struggle with!  Whenever I am focused on God, I find I can resist eating the whole bag of Oreos, and reaching for something healthier instead.  When I am not focused on God, my eating (and everything in my world) goes awry!  
• The wait - I have felt as though the majority of my adult life I have been waiting.  Waiting for what exactly, I am not sure.  Just waiting for something more in my life, something bigger, something that made me feel more important in the world.  I have finally realized recently that we can always be waiting for something, or for more of something, but this is our life RIGHT NOW!  I've seen it before and it never really clicked, but life is not a destination, it is a journey.  This journey is my daily life - waking up and spending time with God and His Word, going to work and interacting with coworkers and patients (and attempting to be a blessing to them), spending time with friends and family, etc - this IS life!  And as I go through this journey with God, I have become who I am today.  If God had given me a big career that I had to spend many hours a week on, or a husband and a family of my own, I doubt I would be as close to Him as I am today, because I would not have had the time for building my relationship with Him; and would not be nearly as happy and peaceful as I am today!  I am so thankful that I have found contentment in Him :)   

Previously mentioned, and still wonderful blessings I like to reflect on:  

• A wonderful, loving, amazing, powerful God!  
• My awesome family 
• Great friends 
• Q-bert - my cat! Also my little yoga buddy (see below) :)  
• All my needs are met! 
• My two jobs 
• My co-workers 
• My health
• My church
• My small group 

Thank you for reading!  Peace to all, and God bless!!!  :)

Trusting His Timing

Trust - firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something 

I have a firm belief that God is reliable, and will always provide and take care of me.  

I have a firm belief in the truth of God's Word.  

I have a firm belief in the ability of God to do amazing things with and in my life.

I have a firm belief in God's strength to provide me with strength, and to do incredible and seemingly impossible things.  

But why do I struggle with having a firm belief that God's timing is perfect?  

Sometimes (ok, often times!) I struggle with trusting God's timing.  Most days, I truly love my life and where I am at in life.  Other days, I feel frustrated with the wait for some of my heart's desires.  Why do I not have a higher-paying job already?  Why can I not find a good job in the field that I have a degree in?  Why do I not have a husband yet?  I could ask "why" questions all day, but I must remember to focus on the blessings I DO have, instead of my lack of what I THINK I need!  

In her book Stressed-Less Living, Tracie Miles says "I had temporarily and inadvertently allowed the frustrations to become my focus, instead of the life-saving promises of the Bible."  Sometimes, I allow my frustrations to become my focus, instead of focusing on Jesus Christ. When I realize this, I immediately pray for forgiveness and help on re-focusing myself.  The following scriptures are some of the ones I reflect on and guard my heart with when I feel the enemy is attacking:  

• Proverbs 3:5 (MSG) - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."  Whenever I read this scripture, it reminds me that I do not need to have all the answers!  Even though I may not understand why God is making me wait for certain things, I have to trust (have a firm belief) that He has a reason for my wait.  
• Romans 4:16 (MSG) - "This is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing Him and what He does.  God's promise arrives as a pure gift..."  If I want to receive His amazing promises and blessings, then I must trust God with everything - including His timing!    
• Romans 14:17-18 (MSG) - "...Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ..."  This is the only thing that God asks of us!  Serving Christ is the only thing I should be focused on in my life - not acquiring wealth, not worrying about when I will have a husband, or anything else that the enemy tries to distract me with.  
• Psalm 37:4-5 (ESV) - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."  I trust God with my life, and I know he will give me the desires of my heart - I cannot question his timing, because He has reasons for the wait!  
• Romans 5:3-5 (MSG) - "There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.  Quite the contrary - we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"  God teaches us patience in our times of waiting, and uses this to help us draw close to Him.  He will fill our lives with abundant blessings!  

I know He uses my waiting times to help me grow in my faith and to teach me patience.  He will give me the desires of my heart when He knows I am ready for them.  I trust that His ways are the best, and that He will provide exactly what I need when I need it - He has not failed me yet! :)